Long Time Fan First Time Blogger (Forgiven by Sanctus Real)

Okay so first things first here are the lyrics.

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I’m reminded of the wrong
That I have said and done
And that devil just wont let me forget
In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am

[chorus]
I’m forgiven
I’m forgiven
And I don’t have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been
Cause I’m forgiven

My mistakes are running through my mind
And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night
When I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry

In this life
I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms
I know what I am
[back to chorus]

When I don't fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ

Okay so this seem to happen to me alot.  I tell people that Im exhausted and then on the way home I hear something that gets me thinking and then all of a sudden Im all awake.  This song came on and I couldnt help but realize how awesome the message that it brings is.  It really spoke to me tonight. 

The whole thing could be a perfect testimony of what I go through on a daily bases that is for sure. You know sometimes I just feel defeated by my failure that all I can do is take joy in the grace provided by the cross but those days make the days that I can celebrate his strength to see me through vicotry even grander. 

However the part that is the most awesome I think is the last three lines.  When I dont fit in or feel like I belong when I dont measure up to much in this life IM A TREASURE IN THE ARMS OF CHRIST. That is so uplifting for me in times where I just feel a little off.  I dont fit in of feel like I belong for one reason.  Becuase Im not supposed to.  I feel unsettled and unwelcomed in this world becuase I am created for a place much different.  I need to remember that Christ looks at me as a treasue and because of that I should not worry about the worldly measurements about who I should be. 

Overall a great song and completely encouraging and just what I needed tonight.  Thank you Lord for your perfect timing. 

These are the nights I will remember...

Hey all.  So tonight is one of those nights that I will remember.  Nothing extreme happened tonight.  I didnt go on a secret outing, I didn't go to a party, I didn't find myself doing something new, I didn't even have something bad happen that would make me remember tonight.  No all I did tonight was have doughnuts and coffee with two of the greatest people that I have ever been blessed enough to know.  We just sat around for a long time at Dojo's/GADS and talked.  It was prolly one of the best covnersations that I have ever had.  I tend to alot of times keep my converstations very basic and very shallow.  Just how was your day, whats new, that kind of stuff.  These two would have none of that.  They are amazing and put me at ease and calm me down.  I actually find myself talking to them about things I have never talked to anyone about and that I never planned to talk to anyone about.  They arent afraid to tell me if something I say is completely bogus and they bring a spiritual outlook into my life that I dont always get from other people in my life.  (Which is partially my fault cause I keep people at a distance alot) When graduation came last semester my biggest fear was what would happen to all those people that I call my freinds.  That is still a huge question to me.  Right now it is easy becasue I am still in Bowling Green.  But what happens when I move away some day? Will any of these people still want to be my freind or even care what goes on in my life?  I have confidence and comfort knowing that no matter what these two will always be there.  I dont know why or how I know this but I am glad God has sent me these two becuase without them I dont know what I would do.  If you know who you are I just wanted to say Thanks.  You changed my life.

Long time fan first time blogger (questions by Jon McLaughlin)

Okay so long time fan first time blogger is going to be the theme for if I have had something for a while or known something for a while but it suddenly hits home.  This will prolly mostly be songs because thats what speaks to me the most.  The song that i heard today that really hit home was Questions by Jon McLaughlin.  It is not new to my music list I guess I just actually started listening to the words more.  The part that caught my attention is "How can He have forgiveness that flows when no one forgives me

Yet it's Jesus they know"

Grace/forgiveness is a concept that I understand in book  terms but dont understand it played out.  I have talked with poeple about this and it has been a huge stumbling block for me.  I understand it is by grace and grace alone we are saved and my salvation comes through Jesus Christ death on a cross but thats about it.  Even though I put my salvation in Christ I still find myself trying to earn it.  I still find myself trying to be perfect and hide all my flaws in order to somehow make people stick around and almost like im trying to make God stick around (although I know hes not going anywhere).  Its just strange how I can know and not know at the same time.  If your confused dont worry we are in the same boat. 

I think it has to come from the fact that I have never been given grace or seen it played out toward me is why I cant seem to grasp that.  I beat myself up alot over my weaknessess and my short comings and dont ever truely forgive myself though I ask forgiveness from God.  That is where the song came in.  Christians have not shown me grace and therefore I feel as if it does not exist for me in a way.  That people will always remeber me for my failures and continue to throw it in my face.  I have had this happen from teachers, friends, family, past relationships (more than one), and many other places.  Any time that I have messed up I have had people gasp as if I had screwed up something perfect. News flash people IM NOT PERFECT AND I NEVER WILL BE SO STOP MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO BE!!!

Becuase I feel like I have to be perfect many times in my every day life I then tend to try to be perfect in my spiritual life.  Now striving for perfection and killing yourself over it are two different things.  My goal is perfection cause Christ was perfect but I shouldnt be constantly scared of messing up and constantly worried about the conciquiences.  I think this fear to mess up has caused me to stand still in a state of fear and loose all chance of progress to grow as a Christan.  To take chances and grow invites an entirely new group of ways to mess up so I just stand still where I can keep up this state of psuedoperfectin. 

Its a wonder i have even brought myself to write this blog cause this tells everyone that im not perfect.  Which strangly enough I dont think people realize sometimes.  Or sometimes they tell themselves that I must have a couple small things wrong with me like white lies or something.  Again I screw up and its not just small things.  I have screwed up majorly in my life and i have fogiveness from it but I somehow feel like I get forgiveness from the results but not from the emotions it causes.  Kinda like God is still waiting thinking "Man Adam is so anoyying hes always messing up. I wish he would get something right"

Now I know that this all may not sound biblical but its how I feel.  I know the scriptures and I could prolly tell you exactly what someone would say to someone dealing with this.  I just dont think it is going to hit home until Gods people stop being so demanding of people i.e. me and asking us to be perfect.  Let us just come and join in and worship the one who is without having to be ourselves. 

A day of ups and downs

So today has been very positive and a little negative.  Some good friends came to town and we spent all day together.  They cooked me a great meal.  Katie cooked asparagus, potatoes, and chicken.  Kristen cooked spice cupcakes with cream cheese icing.  Then we spent the entire day running around bowling green finding cool places to take pictures.  (look for the pictures to arrive soon on facebook they are baller!!!) anywho it went great and we had a blast.  Now im sitting in my room on my computer which is running better than ever and watching eagle eye.  The only downer to my day is that my phone stopped working.  My Iphone just went black and has stayed that way all day :( wish that hadnt happened.  I asked AT&T about it and they said that all they can do is give me the number to call to see if apple can fix it.  That would work if i had a phone to call them with.  So now I have to go out to my parents house sometime and call this 800 number to hear them say that they prolly cant do anything.  O well.  Im sure there are worse things in life then a phone breaking. 

I think that this next semester is going to be fun.  Mainly because ill have tons of free time so i can hang out with people more and focus on building stronger relationships with my friends.  I am really excited about that. I have missed my friends this summer.  The ones that are around are great and will be leaving me shortly so I need my other friends back.

Either way life if good right now.  Hope you all are doing great out there in cyber world.

Pondering is a strange activity

So i was just pondering over the day of what my life might be like down the road.  I think this came around strangely due to the fact that I cleaned the apartment today, took out the recycling, and made a trip to the junk yard with the borken dryer.  With these things of my  mind it was left unstressed and free to roam.  I can't even imagin half the stuff that my brain came up with.  There are so many possiblities out there for me to go after.  I just need to figure out which one I want most and go for it.  If it fails move to the next and so on.  I could go to grad school, or get a job designing for a construction company, or stay where I am and save up lots of money, or become rich and famous who knows.  The thing is that there is nothing stopping me.  Lots of times I feel like there is or I say there is but I think that is just an excuse that I throw out so that I dont have to think about the future.  But now that I have thought about the future I LOVE IT! What major possibilities.  It is like God has just revealed to me that I can do whatever I want with my life as long as I continue to glorify him and better myself.  I want to do something that makes an impact on people for good.  There is so much bad in this world that it is all that I hear about it seems.  I want to take what God has blessed me with and bless someone else with it.  How do I do that you might ask? How do I not? I mean for real everything i am and can do has been through a blessing of God so anything I do is doing that.  It could be helping someone whose car is broken down on the side of the road or it could be reaching the lost for christ, or even going on missions and doing great things across seas.  It is endless and amazing and alot to ponder.  But over all it is great. I love my life. :)

How Strange in hind sight.

So I belive I may have already said something about this on some other social media site but it just seemed like it would be easier and more correct without some weird 120 character limitation on it.  I went to a bible study last night at my friend Don's aparment.  He and his now wife Penny just got married and were back from their honeymoon so it was good to see them.  Anyways I almost didnt go because I was also invited to play volleyball.  Sounds like a strange toss up but volleyball almost won.  (forshadowing for later comments) However I talked to Don and he said that he needed to give me something and since I hadnt seen them lately I figured that it would be good to do so. 

So when I got there and after some great irish tea we started bible study.  Lots stood out for me on this.  The first thing was that Donald said he completely changed what he was going to talk about becasue he felt the Spirit leading him a different direction.  That was ironic in the case that the direction he went in was what exactly is the Spirit.  So for some hindsight into my life since you may just be getting to know me is that my mom is penticostal and my dad is baptist.  Penticostals are all about the Holy Spirit but even though i was raised hearing about it, actually I guess I could call it Him, I never understood Him as a being.  He is like the missing part of the trinity for me.  The old testiment had God the Father, the new testiment till the resurection had Jesus the son, and the church after (including today) has the Holy Spirit.  It is weird then that I dont know my part of the trinity.  That would be like John the Baptist not knowing Christ. 

Anyways so that gave me the desire to study up on the Holy Spirit so be ready for more on that.  But the second thing that stood out was that he said if we want to act a certain way during the hard times we have to make the decision now before the hard times arive cause we wont want to make it then.  Just alot to chew on there as well. 

Anyways I hope that was a good insight into what Ive been thinking about lately.  Much more to come Im sure. 

Love you all

Adam Drummond

I finally gave in

So all my friends seem to have blogs.  For this reason I have been holding out but i figured what the heck i might as well give in.  So here we are.  Ive never really blogged before so this should be interesting to see how this works out.  If it starts out lame or boring then GET OVER IT! It is me not you so I dont really care if you find it lame or boring.  It is just a way for me to keep up with people and people to keep up with me if they want to.  So all in all this is going to be short becasue I have to head back to my apt but for now its been real. 

Peace